the air feels heavy with grief

For the first time in my three years working in the Israel-Palestine human rights space, I openly cried on a work call this morning. I am a Jewish woman, an American-Israeli, a peace activist, and an an ardent believer in both democracy and coexistence- many of us who exist in these communities saw ourselves in Hersh, and his family’s story and their pain. 

“Why”

I feel incredibly lucky I don’t know any of the hostages personally, because far too many of my friends and my peers do. Nonetheless, as a member of each of the communities I’ve mentioned, this unspeakable tragedy feels personal. Alongside this anguish is unadulterated fury at the evils that exist so close to my home. 

I will always be angry with the members of Hamas who murdered these innocent souls and committed unimaginable acts of barbarity on October 7. But they don’t act in my name. And I am even more furious with those who do. 

My government, the one led by a man who refused to utter the word “hostage” for weeks after October 7, the one that claimed “increased military pressure” and “total military victory” was the only way to release the hostages and bring us security, the one that has consistently sought  to undermine democracy, and destroy the country that means so much to me, bears just as much responsibility for this evil, if not more. 

“I have no home until everyone is home”

Because they claim to act in my name, in the name of the Jewish people, and in the name of the Jewish state, as they repeatedly choose polical power over human life. In the Judaism I was taught, there is nothing more valuable than a human life, any human life. Netanyahu and the rest of his coalition have proven wholly unworthy of representing the ideals of the Jewish state or the Jewish people. 

“I’m here because they are not home and my daughter has no future here!”

There are no words to describe the agony so many of us are experiencing today, particularly those of whom who will never hold their loved ones in their arms again. I’m not usually one for prayer, but today I’m praying for a better tomorrow. If not for me, for all of the innocent people who have lost their lives over the past 11 months and for their loved ones.